A Young Woman's Guide to Carrying On is a very funny novel, and Jilly Wosskow, the author, is a very funny woman.
I've decided to post some of her lines and challenge anyone to find better in novels by Kathy Lette or Jilly Cooper.

" 'And don't think I'm going to give up my retirement to look after your illegitimate babies.' Mother had never gone out to work in her entire life so God alone knew what she would retire from - thawing TV dinners or spying on the neighbours perhaps."
 
"He unlocked the door and left, whistling. No kisses, no declarations of love. He didn't even wash his hands."

"I didn't have sex with Giles until our fourth date. 
No particular reason, it was just customary to make them wait in those days."